confidence · food for thought · Relationships

4 Extremely Important Things I Realized After Making A Bumble

1. There’s nothing “empowering” about finding the courage to talk to a man behind a screen.

Bumble has been nicknamed the “Feminist Tinder,” as it is known to “hand the power over to women by allowing them to make the first move.” Ladies only get 24 hours to send a message to their match before it disappears. 

The app is gaining a lot of popularity due to the feminist and girl power movements being such a rising trend in our society; however, I think it is so silly that we’re trying to use dating websites as a way to make us feel “in power.” I don’t think there’s anything very empowering about starting a conversation behind a screen, especially when that “match” surely has a bunch of other messages in his inbox from other women. 

If we want to feel empowered, or in control, why don’t we start by going up to men in person, like that cute guy at the bar? Why not by sparking up a conversation with the smart guy from your class? Or how about slipping your number to that mysterious one in the coffee shop?

All it takes, my friend, is one simple Hello!

And the real beauty of it? That one word can take a million and one directions. Let me lay it out this way…you have one of three outcomes that could happen here:

  1. You break the ice and establish an acquaintanceship. *Progress*
  2. Sparks fly, he asks for your number/calls you (if you gave him your #), and maybe you go on a date or start hanging out. *Goal achieved*
  3. Somehow he turns out to be the opposite of what you imagined, so you leave it there and move on. *No biggie…on to the next one*

I mean, really, given those outcomes, what do you have to lose?
EXACTLY: Nothing. 

Trust me when I say: I know saying “hi” can be scary at first. But the more you do it, the easier it gets. Just count 1…2…3 in your head and let those two syllables slip out. Whatever happens, will happen and then you can take it from there. But you have to get there first. 

Remember this in your pursuits:

odd-compliment.jpg

DON’T FORGET THIS! All it takes is a little courage to stand your ground, and a little practice with stable steering. The more you go for it, the more you’ll get it.

 

2. That “feel good” feeling from getting a match is deceiving and illusive.

When I made my Bumble, I kept my notifications turned off. So the next day, when I logged in after swiping for a while before I finally fell asleep, I woke up to find I had 7 matches. Talk about options!

That’s when I anticipated the fun was supposed to start…but I found myself in a pickle instead:

The Though Process of Figuring Out What to Say

What the heck do I even message him?
I could say ‘X’…but then he’ll think I’m weird…
What about….no, no, no, I can’t say that…
…but wait, why does it matter? He doesn’t even know me?
Gah, this is weird. I won’t message this one.

Mmm, well he’s into golf…I don’t really like golf, though.
Meh, next.

He was definitely cuter yesterday…mehhh…next.

Okay, fine. This guy went skydiving…that’s pretty cool!

((Great, so we found a guy to message!))

*Receives disinterested/unenthusiastic reply*
K…I’m not replying. Let’s go see who else we can find…

And then we’re back to swiping for more matches! What we originally got excited about in the beginning became a disappointment. It’s no one’s fault, that’s just how it works when you’re doing things online. What’s more is that you have no obligation to fix an awkward moment, or politely end the conversation — you simply stop replying. Or you just don’t send a message in the first place!

But in doing this, was anything really accomplished? Do you really get to know a person online? I mean, I understand the point is to establish a connection, and meet in person to figure that out, but then we’re back to Point #1: Why not try establishing a connection with someone in person? 

I think doing things online is easier, yes, but easier doesn’t necessarily mean better, nor does it promise quality

3. You don’t even realize how judgmental you’re becoming as you’re swiping left and right based on a person’s profile picture.

As you can tell through my thought process in point #2, I decided not to message a guy (or two…) because he didn’t seem that cute in his picture the day after. Call me picky, call me judgmental, but that’s what Bumble is: looking at a picture and maybe, if you really have the patience, reading the bio and you making a nano-second decision. Appearance is the main motivation here.

If I may add, photos are not, by any means, a good indicator of a person’s traits, qualities, personality, history, aspirations, etc. When I think about why I’m swiping left I don’t think it’s fair to say it’s because their smile looked a little funny when in reality the angle of the picture was awkward. We devalue people by practicing to judge them by their profiles. The more we practice this online, the more we’ll catch ourselves doing it in real life. #NotOk

I skimmed over an article today titled, “How to Use Bumble to Guarantee Yourself a Date” and one of the points said, “Photoshop better photos before uploading.” WHAT???!???

Why is our society coming to this? I thought we were working to stop using photo-shop because of its power to create unrealistic expectations, image/body-dysmorphia, and false realities. The last thing I want is to actually meet “my match” in person and have him think Whoa…she looks nothing like her pictures. Or vice versa.
Awkward much…?

And honestly, I’m not too interested in solely being judged for my appearance either. I have so much more to offer than a nice smile. I want people to see that part of me first, above all else.

 

 

4. It’s still worth giving a shot.

Even after the points I’ve made, there’s nothing wrong with giving it a shot. I know that in the generation we’re living in, it’s hard to find a significant other; I know that guys struggle with self-esteem just as much as women (even if they’re not willing to admit it); I know that is extremely difficult to count to 3 and say “hi” to a stranger; And I also know it can be time-consuming trying to go out and find someone who “matches” us. I agree that Bumble is somewhat safer and classier than Tinder and other dating websites, too. 

So I suppose it all depends on your preference…buuuuuuuut:

odd-compliment.jpg

 

There’s nothing wrong with experimenting! Plus, there are plenty of people who enjoy using Bumble, and some who even find their soul mate through it. For them, I am happy and only wish them the best. But, after giving it a go, twice now, I still prefer the old traditional style of dating. I value interpersonal skills, I value confidence, and I value authentic, genuine, face-to-face interactions. In my humble opinion, it may be more awkward at first to go the traditional route, but I believe the more we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, the more we grow. Not to mention, it creates a story much more memorable and interesting than “Well, I swiped right to him, he swiped right to me, I messaged him ‘Hey!’ and the rest is history!”


 

I hope I was able to offer some food for thought. And I hope you consider applying the count-to-3 method in real life, no matter what brave and courageous mission you’re trying to accomplish. If you’re a Bumble user, Happy Swiping! If not, there’s nothing wrong with giving it a go. Own it! And if you don’t vibe with it…well, it’s super easy to delete an app these days! 🙂

 

XOXO,
Sab♥

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