Let’s set the scene.
You’re talking to this guy. You’ve been flirting for quite some time now. Maybe a couple of weeks? Maybe a month? Maybe longer? Either way, you’ve slowly started to like this guy. Maybe you two have went out on a couple of dates, and you feel like you two are hitting things off nicely. You text and snapchat a lot, cause you know, that’s part of the whole modern pre-dating trend that goes on before it gets “serious,” when you’re hanging out almost every day, holding hands…blah blah blah. We’re not there yet.
Anyway, you’ve solidified your feelings for this guy, and he has seemed to show you the same interest, but you’re still unsure where the whole friendship/relationship is going? You don’t really know where you two stand. From there, you have either continued living in the same confusing routine, or you intelligently decided to test the waters and do something crazy…you decide to ask.
Cause you have a right to know, right? Right.
So you try to understand what it is that he likes about you, and he tells you a few nice things: you’re pretty…you’re athletic…you’re funny…you’re smart…and then? And then, he says the two heart stopping words: You’re different.
Hallelujah, you’ve hit the mother load. HELL YEAH! you think to yourself, I’m different from the other girls!
Yeah…you sure are. Until about a week later, he’s not returning your texts, he’s ignoring your snaps, and he stops liking your pictures on Instagram. Uhm, did he die?
That’s the sign for you to run.
I understand the frustration. Truly, I’m sick of it, too. I’m sick of hearing it, I’m sick of feeling like I should be flattered for it. Like, yeah, I’m different…that’s equivalent to being special, right?
When he decides to fall off the face of the planet, you simply run like the wind. I mean it girl, get those legs movin’. You haven’t done all those squats and lunges for nothing, put those legs to work!
Why run? Because this is your chance to get out.
I say run because he’s coming back my friend. Yes, whether you believe me or not, they always come back (I give credit to my best friend, Evien, for this phrase because it has always proved true). This is your chance to run and break those feelings off before they grow any stronger. It’s going to be hard, I know. But he’s coming back around and you can’t be there when he does, otherwise he’ll know he has you wrapped around his finger. You’re not some Band-Aid that he’s allowed to rip off whenever he wants? Oh no no no. You are sooo much better than that.
I’m telling you that you deserve it to yourself to run. When he comes back around you need to have run far enough out of his reach because he doesn’t deserve you. He wasn’t good for you then, he sure as hell is not going to be any good for you now.
Get out while you can. You need to know your worth because if you don’t, no one else will. And he obviously doesn’t so to the trash with him!
You deserve to be shown your different, not just told you’re different.
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: ACTIONS SPEAK MUCH LOUDER THAN WORDS.
If a guy likes you, he’s going to show you that. He’s going to pursue you. He’s going to do what he can to talk to you. He’s going to find ways to be with you. He’s going to make time for you. I promise, you will know that he likes you…you won’t have to wonder “where you stand.” That won’t be a question. If you’re wondering that then just make it easier on yourself and walk away. If he likes you, he’ll chase you. If not, then you just did yourself a favor. There’s no need to hang on to something that isn’t there. You don’t have time for that! You have more important things to attend to, more important people to be spending your time with, and people who I’m sure are much more worthy of your time.
AND, if I may add, you don’t need a man to tell you you’re different. You already know you’re different. You already know you have different interests, passions, and motivations; you have different quirks, different thoughts, different characterisitics, different valuable qualities that make you who are you. Those are things no one can take away from you.
Don’t fall for his words, fall for his actions.
I get that it can feel good to hear that you stand out from the crowd. I get that it makes women giddy and excited. But refrain from letting that flatter you unless he proves it. He needs to have truly shown you that you’re different, otherwise you’re in this for something different than what he’s in it for.
Men use the same common compliments to flatter a women and women fall for them every time. It works because the same compliments are coming from different men. We instantly become almost honored, if you will, or excited, for being praised and complimented by an unfamiliar face. It makes us feel like there’s more than one person who notices and appreciates our differences. Of course we’re going to be thankful for receiving credit for what we’re worth, but don’t be naïve. Actions speak much louder than words – remember that.
So just know, you and I, we’re better than that.
We don’t need compliments from men. No matter how good it may feel, we already know we’re pretty, or smart, or hard workers, or whatever quality we possess. And if you don’t already know that, then this is your time to learn how to appreciate and love yourself for who you are. I promise you, if you don’t know your worth, no one else will. If you don’t love yourself, no one else will.
Focus on working on the strong woman that you already are, and I promise you, a strong man will eventually follow.
Similar qualities attract, so become who you want to be, and the person you want will be attracted to come to you. Don’t settle, ladies.