Let me just start with the fact that you’re not the only one. Growing up, I literally thought I had some evil fairy-god mother who refused me the opportunity to have a boyfriend. You see, like many other little girls, I had crushes on boys from a very young age. I thought boys were cute, I watched cute movies, and I read a lot of cute books with cute characters who had cute relationships. Inevitably, I too wanted to experience this cuteness myself – so badly! I knew exactly what I wanted, too! I made a mental list in my head and checked off characteristics with every new boy I met. But my fairy-god mother just wouldn’t allow it. I was cursed. When I found out a boy who I had a crush on liked my friend or, even worse, a girl I didn’t like, I cried and told myself, “Sabrina you’re cursed. You will never find yourself a boyfriend because you. are. cursed!” (Not kidding, here.)
Now, our generation seems to be going through this relationships/dating/love epidemic. With one night stands, cheating, sexual-abuse, divorce, side-chicks, players, and we’re-kind-of-talking-labels becoming such a norm, who even wants to “date” anymore? Why bother putting extra effort into maintaining a relationship when with just one booty-call away there is sex readily available? If you don’t make-out or reach first base with someone on the first date, do you guys even like each other? And God forbid you make it to a second date without much action…now you’re just wasting your time. On to the next one!
Through all this confusion, I stayed single. I learned through my friends’ mistakes, and that helped me to convince myself that maybe I wasn’t cursed after all. I figured maybe staying single was a blessing from God because it saved me from all the distraction, and heart break, and sleep deprivation, yet there was still a voice in my head that convinced me that I was still flawed. I was still doing something wrong. And I know you might probably think that, too. Don’t you hate those annoying reoccurring questions: What am I doing wrong? Am I not pretty enough? Am I not skinny enough? Am I not interesting enough? Am I not throwing myself out there enough?
It wasn’t until I finally decided to officially stop telling myself those things. Because I am enough – I am enough and more. I chose to start focusing on myself, and it wasn’t until I decided to be my own number one fan that things just seemed to start somehow…falling into place?
My confidence soared. I was looking at myself in a brighter light. I was solo-traveling, I became a social butterfly, meeting some of the awesomest people ever. I moved away from home, met even more amazing people, got more involved with school, and received plenty of opportunities for advancement. I was more excited about the woman I was becoming and what my future had to bring than anything else; I was more than happy with the things I was accomplishing, mentally, physically, socially, and spiritually; I was more than happy with the relationships I had built and the stronger bonds I had with my family. Finally, I was solidifying in my mind just how worthy I am, how valuable I am, how unique, and fascinating, and kind, and smart, and amazing I am. I was falling in love with myself!
(And let me tell you, that’s the best type of love you can have.)
That’s all I want for you, too!
So I call this the Garden Analogy:
I want you to see and recognize just how much potential you have. And I want you to feel gorgeous inside and out. I want you to focus on the things that are really important: things that are going to add to your life’s experiences, things that are going to make you more brilliantly unique, and bring your more and more opportunities for growth, progress, and improvement. I want you to be the best you you can possibly be. And I want you to do it for yourself, and yourself only. I want you to learn how to be a little selfish.
Don’t wait around for someone to bring you a flower. Start planting seeds and growing your own damn garden.
And don’t stop growing it. Keep on planting seeds. Pretend the water you use to grow that garden is as valuable as the spring water from Tuck Everlasting. Sprinkle it with the healthiest of garden food. Fill it with good vibes; Speak softly, positively, and affectionately to it. I promise that garden will flourish. It will evolve to be the most alluring, most pleasant garden anyone has ever seen. You will become so entranced in the success of your garden, so focused, that one day someone is going to unexpectedly walk up and surprise you. He is going to tell you how absolutely alluring and fantastic he thinks it is.
Hesitantly, but welcomingly, you are going to open the fence, and let him step into the garden. He will be fascinated. Then he will come back next week. And the week after that. He’ll continue to learn more and more about all the wonderfully unique flowers you have to offer. And then he’s going to want to work with you on that garden.
He’s not going to take advantage of your garden.
He’s not going to tell you how to plant your seeds.
He’s not going to neglect or stomp all over your precious flowers.
He is going to complement your garden, and water and feed it just as carefully as you would…even more than you would.
He is going to appreciate each and every flower, even it’s slight flaws – because that, after all, is what makes it so gosh-darn admirable.
He is going to help you flourish that garden even more.
He is going to take the best care of that garden with you.
But the important thing to remember here is that it starts with you.
You built that garden, from the bottom up. You are the reason it is so diverse, and unique, and special. You are the foundation, the creator, the truly beloved gardener, who established such a remarkable plantation. You did.
You deserve that. You owe that to yourself.
This is the part of the story where I tell you that I have happily found my perfect gardening assistant…the one who came along and admired my ever-so-special garden; the one who kept coming back…..and maybe I have? I surely met someone who seems to admire the garden I have created…but I guess that’s another story, for another day. 😉
What I want you to realize is that you have one life, one garden to establish. And you only have right now to get started, right here in this moment, this very second. Find your favorite flower, and plant it. Then plant more, and don’t hold back! Make that garden as considerably spacious as you want. Get lost in the field, cherish it’s growth, fill it with energy and health and power. I promise you, soon enough, before you know it…someone is going to want to take part in that brilliant, exclusive magnificence. And they’re going to treasure it…they’re going to treasure you.
“Stop waiting for someone to bring you flower. Plant your own garden and decorate your soul.”